Tuesday, November 1, 2011

6 weeks!

It has been awhile since I updated. Things have been so crazy I just haven't had the time to sit and think about everything I want to tell you guys. I want to tell you EVERYTHING that has happened in the past 4 weeks but I don't think that is possible, I have work in the morning, and well...you probably have something better to do.

Okay, okay...I am getting to it...ahem...

A LOT has changed for me in the past 4 weeks. Emotions, cravings, pants, likes and dislikes. There is something missing from that list?? OH! I am 6 weeks out and 35 pounds down! Oh yeah!
The transition of going back to work and getting back in a routine was so much smoother than I had expected. The week I went back I was to start, protein, vitamins, protein, and more protein. I didn't have the desire to eat (still don't) and had the mind set if I didn't eat I would be better off. WRONG. It was slowing me down, making me feel weak, and sleeeepy. I ate a little tuna here, a little tuna there, gagged down a few sips of a protein drink and called it a day. It lasted about 2 weeks. And then, that dreadful morning came, I stepped on the scale and it hadn't moved in almost a week!!! I thought "Okay that is it, I am never eating again, this surgery isn't working, what if I am the only human on earth this doesn't work out!??!" I reached out to my friends who had the surgery and they told me yet again, it is normal. My body was in starvation mode (I mean wouldn't you be too?!) I called the doctor just to make sure they were right! Of course they were. They told me to up my water, protein, and make sure I am eating 3 meals a day, even if I am not hungry. BAM. The next week 5 pounds down! I am feeling much better, and learning how to eat again. What is good for me? What I can handle? and the most odd one of all...what I DON'T like anymore. The smell of somethings that I used to LOVE make me sick. I guess that is a good thing. Enough about all that, I know you are about to kill over waiting for the JUICY part....I don't know if you would call it juicy or just my real feelings but here they are.

WARNING: This is real talk. These are my emotions, thoughts, and what my heart feels.

Let's be real shall we? Everyone at some point is shallow to some extent. I used to think I wasn't shallow and everyone else was and I didn't like those people. COME ON! We like what we like, and we can't help that.
I am not about to bash men because that's not my bag. But, in my run-ins with the opposite sex MOST are shallow and won't look at you unless you look like this or that. Okay, hold on because that my friends is not true. Sure, you have those dudes that think they belong in the Jersey Shore cast and won't look twice unless you look a little like Kim Karadashian. But that isn't the case for all. I mean look at all the people in the world that are with someone, or married. We don't all look like a models (Thank GOD!) that is what makes us, us! I didn't mean for that to go that far but..you get what I mean. Before the surgery I thought. "I am going to be so mad at any guy who looks at me after the surgery, that is so rude!" I had hate and bitterness in my heart before I even let myself think. People like what they like. I have my own style I like...I won't tell you I will let you guess, and then later add to my singles profile. Over the past 6 weeks I have thought a lot and come to realize I can't be bitter. It is not fair to them and it is not fair to me. Example: I was grocery shopping in HEB a few weeks back and I notice a man...yes a man (over 30) that is one of my preferences FYI. Kind of "check me out" if you will as I walk in. I smiled and as soon as he passed me whispered "stupid, had it been 3 months ago you wouldn't have even looked at." Okay first off, I have never seen the dude in my life! Who is to say he wouldn't, he might have. At that point I decided I can't be like that. I need to just embrace it and realize not all men are like the ones I have encountered. So, I continue my shopping trip as I am searching for that perfect carton of milk I see another man take a few glances...I turned, smiled, and this time instead of mumbling rude words...I bent over a little more...........I AM KIDDING! I did not do that but I did smile back and walked away. It is crazy and emotional but I take it day by day and rest in the fact that I know my Jesus has that special someone already out there. That will be everything I want and need, and even more!

Whew....that was a lot and I hope it made some sense I tend to just type and not really think.

So in other news, my pants are getting bigger and my waist is shrinking. I am feeling really good and know every morning when I wake up I made the best decision of my life!!

I have a ton of stuff to do before work tomorrow, just thought I'd share a little. Hope you enjoy and I promise to post sooner. Maybe next week!!



  1. I completely understand, I often think, "Where would I be if I hadn't done this for myself."
    "Would he still be with me if I was the person (or in the body) I was a year ago?"
    and then I think about it, and I talk to him about it. It's not about sizes or shapes, it's truthfully about personality. Buuuut, would I have realized that the catastrophic relationship I was in a year ago was, just that, catastrophic?

    It took me losing the first 40 pounds for me to realize that my personality wasn't changing, he was changing. He no longer had the extra "cushion" that made him feel comfortable in the relationship. He told me I couldn't lose anymore weight (which, I might add, the whole reason i started eating righ and exercising was to be healthy, I never had numbers in mind.) He complained about how often I went to the track (I was probably being a little excessive about it, yes.) Thennn he told me I couldn't compete in Tough Mudder. Nooooo sir. At that point, I had numerous talks with my mother, my father, and my best friend. In my dad's words, "just because you aren't 230lbs anymore doesn't mean you lost the person you were." And he was right, so I detached myself from that relationship. There's no reason for anyone, not a one person on this Earth, to drag you down from your dreams.

    I've now reached my 60 lb mark, which marks a rollercoaster. I've found out what love actually is, love is all-knowing, all-powerful, everlasting, and true love knows no boundaries. It doesn't judge you by anything but your heart size.

    You being the amazing person that you've always been will never change. Now, losing weight and feeling better will bring on more confidence and make your ever-shining personality shine through that much more. God has a special plan for you, and you'll come across a guy that will understand your story, enjoy your story, love your story, and be able to join his story with yours for a happy ever after.

    Just be patient, my love, and keep up the good work.

    I'm proud of you, so so proud.
    love you!

  2. I'm so proud of you, Jana!! I know that it was a big deal, you taking this step in your life!!! But I know you are going to rock it, because you are awesome =)
    Also, for me, blogging has actually helped me in the weight loss department. Having a group of amazing "blog sisters" to keep me accountable, support me, and just "listen" to me vent and moan has been wonderful!! So, keep blogging!!!