Sunday, October 2, 2011

The mental break finally came.

I now finally have some time to let you guys know how my first week went.

I was released from the hospital on Wednesday night, I had taken some pain medicine right before I left. Home about 8 bed by 9 and had a solid night of rest. No nurses, no beeping, no backless hospital gown. Thursday I was to start my clear liquid diet. Chicken broth, water, Jello, and sugar free Popsicles. They told me to get in at LEAST 64 ounces a day, most Bariatric patients are back in the hospital in a week due to dehydration. I did my best to get in as much as I could. The Bariatric nurse that was at the hospital coaching my family and I on my new lifestyle said it could be up to a year until I actually feel a "hunger pain". What?!?! I just didn't believe him. But sure enough, I am only a week out and haven't felt hungry one time. I stayed at my Aunt and Uncles house for the remainder of the week. Just in case I didn't feel well and if I needed anything. I was up and out of the house by Friday. A little sore but feeling pretty good. I hadn't taken any pain medicine since Wednesday. I finally decided after waking up on Saturday I felt well enough to go home and start this process on my own. I have met one of my best friends while living here and don't know what I would do without her. She came to the rescue picked me and all of my stuff up and drove me home. We ran around town doing some errands, shopping at Target, enjoying this Fall weather. I was pooped come four, she dropped me off and went on her way.

And so it started. I was left alone for the first time, my roommate was going to be gone and I was on the couch watching Law&Order SVU. I think most people are emotional eaters. You're bored: you eat. You're sad: you eat. You're happy: you eat! My favorite past time is to turn on SVU get some chips and dip and be content. I can't do that now. But why did I ever do it before? I wasn't hungry. I had actually probably eaten dinner not much earlier. I had not cried not one time. Which if any of you really know me, I am NOT a good patient at all. But, this is a surgery I wanted and was excited about not something that HAD to be done. I started to cry and think "What in the hell did I get myself into??" I was hungry (but I really wasn't), I was sad, homesick, and regretting something that I know is the best for me.
       This surgery has been a fight to get. I have been on and off with insurance companies since I was 17 years old. Although I know I will never know why it happened when it happened until I get to the gates and can ask Jesus. I kind of got an idea last night. In the past year and a half I have been able to talk to and watch two people that I know go through this whole process. The weight loss, the eating habits, and a little piece of the emotional part. I, feeling like I was at the end of my rope reached out to both of them. Of course both of them were FULL of encouragement and love! Reassuring me this emotional break was normal if not expected. They will both tell me until they are blue in the face it was the BEST decision they had ever made for themselves. One also told me..."in one month when you put on your pants and they are too big you will then realize you made the right decision!" I spoke with my family and friends from back home, which I can not express how much I love and miss them. They all reassured me it was going to be A-Okay! My mom being the wonderful woman she is of course told me to pray and ask for peace. I did...and it was instant. :)
       So today, I woke up, did my hair, make-up, and put on a cute shirt. Got out of the house and took a little ride. This is my favorite time of the year, and a new season of life for me. There are exciting things coming up in the next year and a lot about to happen in the next few months(keep following, I'll let you know!) In a month or so, maybe even weeks I know I will look back and think "This is the BEST thing I have EVER done!"